Lessons from Killington Mountain Hike

Capitals log:

Sunday August 27th, a cool 73’, all 5.

How it started: Theo was tired from Camp, Robert was angry at mom, Mom was emotionally exhausted from the last 24 hours spent with an angry Robert. Dad was happy to be back together with the family again, Alice was Alice.

How it Ended: Alice was alice and needed to poop, Robert ran ahead not waiting for the family (taking the alone time he needed), Mom had moments of fun and mud on my right shoe, Dad was happy, proud and grateful, Theo was happy and angry at Robert (classic Pisces).

What Lessons were learned along the way…

Needing to be appreciated for all I am doing and having a person in my life like me. Someone who sends random notes cuz I’m thinking of you. Someone who pushes you to get out of your own way, lovingly encouraging and supportive. Someone to give advice to me when im encountering a challenge or where there is a way to improve, be better. Someone who loves me as I am. Who can joke with me, share time and space peacefully and without regret, fret or worry of what could come next.

Thank you mountain for pushing this message to me, thank you for the struggle to help me realize this fact, the truth that I need to be that person for myself. I am the only one that can.  I keep trying to find it from outside of me but I have to do it for the inside. I’ve heard this lesson before I’ve heard it probably 100 times and the last times, I’m just I like yes! that’s completely what I need to do but then I always get caught up in some type of distraction, I lose my way. I forget what it means, I forget what it feels like, I forget why it’s so important to me.

Hopefully today’s realization will sink deeper into my subconscious of understanding to rewriting my programs. Hopefully this is the release and healing that will continue to make this a possibility for me, that is my ultimate goal, to love myself the way I love others. It seems like I get glitters of it, I get moments of it, I get times of it but in the end I always come back to that I’m not or that it’s never enough…. I’m not doing enough fucking dammit! That again.

Maybe that’s why I get so upset because everything I do in life is a reflection how I love each of my children is a reflection of how I love myself right? No it’s the lack of love that my children feel that upset and takes me away from my love and my truth it’s the challenge, its there, the spiritual contracts that have been bestowed upon us so we can learn this internal lesson. I hope i can stay here once I learn it. I hope I can.  Have lots of time to enjoy it because it would be terrible I just have to start all over again.

I really notice how strength training has increased my overall core strength. I mean, I do some core exercises also but I really haven’t seen these gains in strength until I started with the Arms program and you know the floor BootCamp too, it really got me in-tune with how my muscles feel when they’re engaged and I prefer to feel that engagement. That supportivness. I also haven’t had back pain in gosh I don’t know how long. I think it’s because of my increased strength in my core.

Learn something about myself today/

When we had climbed up to the hike to the peak at Killington Mountain exhausted from climbing on hands and knees during the steepest scramble being satisfied of our efforts looking around at the people at the top of the mountain/ I got upset because there was a lot of people up there enjoying the view that hadn’t hiked the mountain. I didn’t feel like it was fair, seem like they took the easy way.  And I don’t know but there’s some thing in me that doesn’t like that, I don’t think that they should’ve enjoyed the view, there were people there that were glorifying the accomplishment of being at the top of the mountain and yet they didn’t do any of the work to get there, I mean they drove their car and walked from the parking lot to those rocks.

How is that fair?

Looking around you saw many groups of people and it was obvious which ones had hiked it, they had dirty shoes, packs, they were physically tired from the effort they gave, they sat in groups of 2 to 3, there were some singles too. Then, there was a group of 11 dad bods, a group of little kids in American flag hoodies, people with bright white sneakers, a woman in strapy sandals….you could tell just based on their footwear who hiked and who didn’t.  And something inside made me look down on them because i felt didn’t deserve that view.  But that’s how life, is they took the easy way and that’s okay.   I learned a lot more, I experienced the mountain, I was the one with nature, I received so much more positive benefits to my overall well-being than them.  I guess that’s really what the gift is, not just the view but the experience.

Thank you Great Mountain for these lessons.