when is enough, enough?
when do you let go and accept what is, then ride the wave and play in the tide?
it’s time to survive.
After the events that took place over this past weekend…. the feeling off, the “trying to listen”
I was challenged, again,
I was knocked out by the wave, again.
See what happens to me is I fight against it without evening knowing, I’m caught up in the riptide. Which then creates a cyclone of destruction for my self esteem, my belief….my footing of life but most of all my sprit. She takes the hardest hit.
I still am not clear what prompted this whole thing. Maybe I was feeling unheard because I didn't want to go to Ludlow that weekend because I felt we should have stayed and worked on the summerfield house? Maybe I just wanted a weekend at home to get caught up? To recenter? To take the time for myself…to allow the time to decompress from Florida and a busy Mommy/Theo week? Time that I wasn’t because I was caught up in the stress. Wrapped up in filling theodores cup, preparing for Alices birthday, working my business cuz there is a Achievement to go for. . Also… sugar lurked its ugly wart covered head in too.
AS much as I love my kids (and being there for them), I love being alone. As much as I love my husband, I love myself too and what to give the necessary time for her.
I don’t though, I work Marion to the bone.
I deny her feelings, I make her work harder to get the job done. You can’t rest yet there is too much to do. We want this to go well, that’s gonna be a lot of “hard work.” The believe “you have to work hard for what you want.” GAHHHHHHHH I can’t let go of this fucking limiting belief yet! Why? …. because I am not telling myself often enough that it can be easy. That it is easy, that i am perfectly imperfectly and so enough just the way I was born. I came into this world deserving of love, of THE LOVE. The eternal blissful hug from the universe angles shining down from galaxies on high. The hug of #pureacceptance, #comfort. #peacefulbliss. Like when you are holding a darling baby in your arms, with them silently breathing.
Your embrace of them.
Your holding of them
The protection and nurturement….loving wonder for this miracle of life in your arms!!!
now…give the thought of that to yourself right now.
hold your baby self
that pure love
That!
marion, with love. you need this time for yourself. ‘
you have to give it to yourself each and everyday. Remember why you are doing things. Not to share, but remember that this is how you fill your cup! How you nurture and support yourself. And yes, I know it’s hard and you don’t want to feel the feelings…. allow them. Just like you tell your kids, the sooner you acknowledge the sooner you can release, the sooner you feel better! It’s time to be Marion’s Mom too. This past week you noticed it, but darling, with love, you distracted and did not allow the acknowledgement,
when you ride peloton, ride it for you. not how it inspires you. how it gives you love.
when you research nutrition or what to post about in the group or offering tidbits of advice in other group…looking to find someone wanting to connect back. connect IN. 10:1 more. do it because you love to do it. when you love what you do
stop working so hard. you deserve better than that.
yes to messed up, yes you forgot to communicate, yes you made assumptions Again! stop it already. Give yourself a break. you are a little child still learning and growing too.
And yes, I know it’s hard and you don’t want to feel the feelings…. allow them. Just like you tell your kids, the sooner you acknowledge the sooner you can release, the sooner you feel better! This past week I noticed but I did not allow the acknowledgement,
And for crying out loud take the time for myself to rest. It’s okay, you need to.
Take rest and don’t feel bad about it.
we all need to recharge.
this is me recharging my battery.
connect to the feelings, let them out, release them into the world like a child releasing the fireflies caught in a mason jar from that evenings frolicking. Do kids even do that anymore?